


Stuffy

by Davechicken



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: M/M, Parental emotional abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-14
Updated: 2017-01-14
Packaged: 2018-09-17 12:26:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9323528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Davechicken/pseuds/Davechicken
Summary: Hux has a complex relationship with toys. Of the fluffy kind.





	1. Chapter 1

It’s ridiculously fluffy, but he loves it. The stuffed toy is half as tall as him, and yes, there’s places where there’s less fur because he was someone else’s first, and one eye is a bit higher than the other, but the boy doesn’t care.

It’s his. His. He doesn’t remember ever having something he owned for himself he loved so much, and the young boy won’t be parted from his toy. He holds the fluffy thing by the hand, and drags him everywhere with him. Sits the pile of fur in a chair next to him, and makes sure they both have a cup of juice at the same time.

He doesn’t have any friends, not really, and this is his first friend. He tells him secrets, tells him stories. Whispers things, and laughs when he’s told jokes in return. At night, he curls up and breathes in the scent of old soap and smoke. 

When Father comes by, he brings his toy to show him, proud. He’s got a friend, now, and he’s happy. He wants Father to be proud of him, too, for making this friend. He holds him up, hiding behind his protector.

“What’s this?”  


“He wants a hug,” the boy says, though it’s a very, very secret test to see if he can ask for one, too.  


“I said _what is it_?”  


“My friend,” he replies. His little arms waver. “No hug?”  


Father plucks the toy from his outstretched arms, examining it critically. He doesn’t look happy, and the young boy pushes his toecap into the side of his other foot, chewing his lip even though he’s not supposed to. 

“It’s ridiculous. I’m throwing it in the trash.”  


“N-no!”  


“Yes. You can’t be seen holding onto such a disgusting rag. You need to grow up, boy. The world isn’t fairy-tales.”  


Father walks with the stuffed toy, opening the trash compactor. His son fights tears he’s not supposed to shed, torn between wanting to impress, and wanting to not be alone.

“P-please, I won’t let anyone see,” he promises.  


“It’s for your own good,” Father says, and throws the toy away.  


He wants - he wants - to scream. To throw himself to the floor in a tantrum. To demand he has his only friend back, because now he feels… terror. But that will make Father hate him _worse_ , so the boy turns all those sad feelings inside, only letting the slightest leaks appear around his eyes. 

“You’ll never amount to anything if you’re this sentimental,” Father says. “I’m doing you a favour. Now… go work on your studies.”  


_I hate you_. “Yes, Father.”

The man’s already turned, and his son feels glued down, but he does as he’s told. If he wants Father to love him, he has to behave. Friends are forbidden.


	2. Chapter 2

Hux doesn’t know why Kylo is acting so weird, but he is. He’s shuffling about and pawing the ground, and Hux knows he wants to say something, or do something, and they _can’t_ because they’re in _public_ and he needs to know what in the Force has got his Knight acting like he’s standing on hot coals. 

He watches the clock until it’s lunch time, and strides out, but not to the officers’ mess. Whatever Kylo has to say, it’s not for anyone else to hear.

When they get behind closed doors, Hux rounds on him.

“What is it?”  


“I… I got you something. When I was away. I… I maybe think I shouldn’t, now, and you’re going to be angry.”  


“…why would I be angry?”  


Kylo will - on occasion - when _really upset_ \- revert to thinking things right into Hux’s head. It’s unpleasant and uncomfortable, but it means Kylo will ‘voice’ his worries, so Hux deals with the strangeness of it. It’s only ever (when unasked) a voice that speaks Kylo’s thoughts. It’s never (that he knows of) an intrusion into Hux’s own thoughts.

_You’ll think it’s immature and stupid. It was a bad idea. I should return it_.

“You do realise I’ll be insanely curious and unsatisfied until I can judge for myself?”  


“It’s in there,” Kylo says, which means he was probably angling for Hux to say as much, nodding into the bedroom.  


Kylo thinks he’s more conniving than he actually is, and Hux lets him. He walks through, and finds… there’s a little, black, fluffy thing on the bed. Mostly tube-shaped, shaggy and with large, button eyes. No mouth, just an expression with a tiny nose and it makes Hux’s insides knot in painful memory.

Does he… did he… did he find that? Did he scour through Hux’s mind, looking for a way to attack him? Is this–

“I just thought… when I’m away? You could hug it, and it would keep you warm,” Kylo mumbles, one hand rubbing the other arm.  


It’s almost as wide as Hux, and half as long as his torso, and the stubby little limbs mean it would be a perfect pillow, actually. It’s utterly ridiculous, and when he turns to Kylo, he sees no aggression. No ‘hah, I played you’. No malice, no judgement, no… anything but fear of Hux’s distaste, much like Hux had…

Is it okay? To have it? There’s no one to tell him he can’t. No one to know it’s here, but the man who gave it to him. He pushes his fingers through the plush fur, and the softness is a balm and a comfort. He wants to rub his face across it, but… later.

“I… I’m touched.”  


“You hate it,” Kylo panics.  


“I don’t,” Hux replies, trying to sound sane. “It’s just… been a long time since I… since I allowed myself anything like this.”  


“I just… thought maybe you could hug it and think of me, and know I was thinking of you, and I know it’s stupid but I used to like them myself and it just made me think of you because the face is so cute and it made me feel in love but with you and not it and–”  


Hux laughs, kindly, and bops a finger onto Kylo’s lips, stalling the outpour. “I _love_ it,” he says, allowing some of his own emotion out into his words. It’s never easy to do, but… sometimes he can. “But not as much as I love you.”

Kylo’s hug is the kind that takes Hux’s feet from under him, and then they’re both on the bed and he’s being kissed all over. Hux smiles, and holds on. 

Yes. He’ll allow himself this. No one can tell him no.


End file.
